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Publication Date: January 2006
File Size: 576 Kbytes
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by E ford ISBN 13: 9781846930065 Published: Jan 2006 Pages: 66 Description The contents of this book comes from two years research of listening to, remembering and jotting down what made the author laugh. Only the best jokes have been selected for you to read. He has been the sieve from which mere chuckles are held back and belly laughs allowed to flow through for readers who wont shy away from the odd adult joke. This book of over 150 jokes is one that you wont want to miss. Pick it up .. read.. and laugh! . About the Author Ernest Ford was born in a small mining village halfway between the towns Of Bolton and Wigan in Lancashire, England, UK. His hometown of Westhoughton had reared in the past a number of sporting Personalities but also had links with former West End actress Jan Holden and was the birthplace of internationally known author and actor of the small and silver screen Robert Shaw. It is amongst such a background of talent that Ernest Ford gained the inspiration to write as well. Taking up pen and paper his first foray into the literary sphere was to compose poems. This he did but was amazed to discover that he could write poems in his native dialect. His first poem in Lancashire dialect appeared in the glossy magazine Lancashire Life who requested more of his dialect material. From his dialect verse there came a request from his local newspaper to publish a series of his humorous dialect tales with great success plus a series on local history. Other successes followed as a local folk group used his lyrics in their act and the words appeared as songs on T.V, stage and L.P’s. His interesting features have been published in a number of glossy magazines and then followed the publication of various books.. Book Extract BOTTLED Mr. and Mrs. Jones were paying their weekly visit to the towns Market Street and happened to be passing the local clinic. The elderly couple pulled up sharply to read a notice over the clinic door. ‘Sperm Bank’ read the poster, but the line underneath became the attraction for Mr. Jones. ‘£25 Per Donation’ it stated. “Can you see that?” the old fellow pointed out the fee. “Now that would help our pension,” he said. Some words passed between the old couple then a little struggle up the stone steps found them inside the clinic and confronting an official in a white jacket. “I’ve come about this sperm bank,” offered Mr. Jones. “I want to donate.” The official gave a nervous cough and a slight smile as he noticed the age of the expected donor. “Just how old are you?” the official asked. “He’s 82,” his wife spoke for the first time. “But he can . you know.” The official scratched his head as if in doubt but reached behind him to take down a bottle from the shelf to offer him. “Now look here,” he said. “You must return the bottle one week from today and no later.” “Done,” said Mr. Jones clasping his hand. “And have the money ready,” shouted his wife as she made for the door. The week passed and the official had almost forgotten the incident until the same two elderly figures dejectedly entered the clinic. Slowly they approached the counter where the official was sorting out his files. His eyes raised and he could tell by the look on the pensioner’s face that it was ‘mission unaccomplished.’ “Where is it?” he asked. The jar was raised to the light and it was obviously empty. “Just as I thought!” he shook his head. “We tried you know,” chirped in his wife. “We did,” he said supporting his wife’s statement. “We tried it standing up, we even tried it lying down. We tried it between two fingers and the full hand. My wife tried it with her teeth out . and with her teeth in . but I’ll be buggered if we could get that cork out of that bottle!”
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